New research sheds light on how people influence and control our minds. Research into rats, which have a remarkably similar brain structure, reveals that our brains are influenced by those around us. The key factor is governance. The brain of the lower mouse is aligned with the dominant mouse. This may apply to our relationship. Often, people with strong personalities make decisions and receive their needs more often than their partners.

Other factors play a role. The more mice interacted, the more their brain activity was coordinated. Therefore, longevity and the strength of relationships affect the level of those around us who influence them.

The progressive reversal of brain coordination opens up two types of brain cells. One set focuses on our behavior, while the second set focuses on other people. How we think and where we put our attention is important. At Carnegie Mellon University, neuroscientists track our thoughts on fMRI brain scans to see which areas and light neurons. Independent and other neurons glow at different levels between individuals. (60 minutes Ep. 52, "How MRI scans show scientists the structure of our minds," Nov 24, 2019.)


Reigns vs. Power in Relationships

Ideally, relationships and close relationships are balanced so that friends and partners have an equal voice in decision-making. Overall, both people meet their needs. Each of them is able to stand on his own two feet and communicate with him. There is giving and taking and compromising. This is a trusting relationship. It requires independence, self-confidence, mutual respect, and strong communication skills.

Compare unequal independent relationships, which are often true in abusive relationships. One person leads another and follows; one dominates and the other remains. Some relationships are characterized by endless conflicts and power struggles. Overcoming Shame and Codependency defines the personality traits and motives of "Master" and "Residence". The king is aggressive and passionate about maintaining power and control, while the abode is inactive and is encouraged to maintain love and communication. Most of us have both traits in our personality, although some people fall into one category. For example, most codecs are settlers, and most narcissists prefer to be kings.


How Our Partner's Brain Controls Our Mind

The brain alignment enables the controlling animal to guide and subdue the animals in learning its cues and following them. New research shows that in an unequal relationship, the brain of the dominant partner will attract that of the lower partner, whose brain will adapt to it. This pattern is further established when the couple communicates for a long time. Some people, including the faithful, are independent and seem to behave independently before or without a relationship. But once they cling to the king, they gradually settle for a prominent partner. There are many variations in the work, but it is possible that brain coordination is one that makes it difficult for a subordinate person to think and act independently and to challenge power imbalances.


Cododers and residents focus on others more than themselves. They admit their loss in a relationship. They are sensitive to the needs of others, their own needs, and feelings. If you ask them what is on their minds, it is about someone else. So, I also think that their "other neurons" shine more consistently than "self neurons." Their personality makes it very important for them to do so. In contrast, the brains of kings and narcissists are more likely to illuminate "self neurons" than "other neurons."


How to Fight Brain Control

The synchronization process takes place automatically and without our knowledge control. It supports good relationships by allowing partners to be "harmonized," and learning each other's thoughts and ideas. We know how our partner feels and what he needs. When there is harmony, love grows deeper, and joy increases for both of them. On the other hand, when this process is the service of one partner who controls the other, the relationship becomes risky. Love and happiness wither and die. The dominant partner has no motive for losing control. It is up to the lowly partner to change the power of the relationship. By doing so, the power in the relationship may re-balance. No matter what, you will have gained independence and mental strength to enjoy a better life or to leave a relationship. The basic steps to make these changes are:

  • Learn all you can about code dependence and abuse.
  • Join Codependents Anonymous and start psychotherapy.
  • Build your confidence.
  • Learn not to respond to putdowns or your partner's attempts to control and deceive you.
  • Learn how to be confident and set boundaries.
  • Promote activities and interests that you participate in without your partner.
  • Learn mental meditation to strengthen your mind.

If you are dealing with someone who is very defensive or doing illegal things, follow the steps in dealing with a Narcissist.


© 2019 DarleneLancer

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family License, an expert in relationships, independence, addiction, and author of Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. He has extensive experience, working with people and married for 30 years. He is a writer and a regular speaker. He maintains a private practice in Santa Monica, CA, with coaches around the world. For more information, webinars, and lectures, see http://www.whatiscodependency.com for a FREE Report, "14 tips for letting go," and find links to his books and eBooks, How to Speak Your Mind- Be Stubborn and Set Limits, 10 Steps to Confidence: A Final Guide to Breaking Down Self-Impairment, Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Building Self-Confidence and Setting Borders with Black People, Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps, Freedom from Guilt and Blame - Finding Self-Forgiveness, "I´m Not Perfect-I´m Only Human"- How to Beat Perfectionism, and Codependency Daily Reflections.